To Cheat or NOT To Cheat

Yeah, I took it there. I want to know when and what makes it okay to cheat. People tend to make excuses of why they cheat so I want to know, honestly when is cheating called for!!! Think about it, a person says to themselves "I think today is the day that I am going to cheat" or better yet, "Since he/she is acting crazy, I am going to cheat" Haha...I am sitting here laughing because I am seriously pondering this topic. It is sad to say that some people try to justify why they cheat or what drove them to cheat (drove, like in a car, teehee). I wonder what my boy Shakespeare would say about this!!!

Know Your Role

Okay, sad to say this, but it is very impertinent that if you are willing to play the game...(we all know what game I am speaking of), to know your role. If you get into a situation with a person, regardless of how it happens, you have options. Sometimes I get tired of hearing the whining of some of the people whom intentionally do wrong, especially at the expense of others. They do this to try and justify why...it doesn't matter. Respect and recognize that you are the other person and follow the rules as such. You can't make yourself something that you are not in someone else's life.

Case in point...I know a woman, whom dated (not really dated, but you get my drift) a man for over half his marriage. He told her countless times that he wanted to be with her...she became pregnant, not once, twice, but three times. She aborted the pregnancies because he made her feel that it would be too hard on them, she obliged to his every wish. Needless to say, he never left his wife and continued to make excuses of why they couldn't be together at different points in time. 

 

This went on for years and years, finally the wife found out about the affair and she filed for a separation. This could have been the his big break from the woman that has caused him so much grief, but we all know that was not the case. The other woman was ecstatic about the news because now she could have this man that she wanted so bad, NOT!!! He begged his wife to not leave him...this has me wondering, why would he begged the person that has been giving him so much grief and that has made his life miserable, to not leave. Oh, that's it, it is because he lied to the other woman to make her feel for him.

Women tend to get caught up in the "I can save him" or "I am the better woman for him" or "She doesn't know him like I do", etc. The truth to the matter is, you are the one who is getting used. He is playing a game where you are the pun. He is going to tell you whatever he needs just to keep you lingering and at bay...like the knight on a horse at the mote (look up medieval story). 

It is sad, as I said, but these things happen and will continue to happen as long as people let other people do this. It is called ENABLING. Any person has the power at any given time to stop the behavior. So if you one of the ones whom likes to play the game or feel sucked in, I ask that you know your role and follow suit...don't try to be the wife if you are the mistress and don't try to be the girlfriend if you are just a booty call, just saying!!!

Oh, the ending to the story that I started. The wife ended up divorcing the husband, the mistress was happy, until she found out that he had proposed to another woman and spent her money on countless others. He beat her because he blames her for his marriage ending, but she claims to still love him. Fast forwarding...she did get her man and the baby that she so longed for, she even married him. I think big mistake, but to each its own...but she wants to try and control the situation by making all kinds of demands and speaking bad of the ex-wife. She doesn't see that she played a part in why the ex-wife doesn't care for her. She thinks that she has no blame in the situation. The catch is that she is insecure with him now. So although she got her man, what price is she having to pay???

Love

Wow, what is more beautiful than meeting a person at a young age, not knowing what is to come of this union and it blossoms into something that everyone dreams of, but only some share...LOVE. I had to ponder this topic. I know we all think that we are in love or have been in love, but a lot of the times, we are in strong like. You will hear that love makes you do crazy things...well the crazy things that I have heard has nothing to do with love. What makes me an expert? Well, I wouldn't take it that far, but I do know a thing or two.

When breaking this down, it is necessary to look at the dictionary...I know, I know, I am taking some of you back to school on this one but I wouldn't if it was not pertinent to the situation ( look that up while you are already using the dictionary). Okay, if you type in the word love, you get all kinds of results and when you look it up in the dictionary, you get many meanings. So now the real question is, how can we define love?

To many different people, love has many different meanings. What one may constitute as love, is not love to another. Take for instance the idea that a man gets jealous and hits his woman, for whatever reason...she does not press charges because she feels that he loves her and if she press charges it will change things. This is not love, it is something totally different...there is an element of control and insecurity in the situation. Love is not about control but about being.

Love may take on many different forms and attributes but Love is what it is to any person at any given time. No two people tend to see love or feel love in the same way. I am a little biased on the subject myself, along with a lot of people, but at least I can admit to it. What I feel love should be is not what the next person may understand. I have an old soul and tend to express all things as such...not like a lot of these new age people. But I am just one person :)

All Things Equal: Case of the Ex

All Things Equal: Case of the Ex: "More often times than not we tend to get into situations where a relationship ends, and a lot of times it really doesn't matter how, when, w..."

Case of the Ex

More often times than not we tend to get into situations where a relationship ends, and a lot of times it really doesn't matter how, when, why, or who ended it...it always seems to come back. Well, this was the case in my situation, TWICE. Needless to say, that I had two from my pass cross my path after being out of touch for a while. One ended kind of bitterly, oh his part...I was cool with it as long as he could be honest. Let me stop, I was cool either way, I just didn't like how he acted, but I let it go and moved on. Every time we would come in close proximity, he would not know how to control himself. Case in point...we were in a parking lot, I am leaving...he sees me and runs after my car hollering like he got problems. Then got mad because I would not let the window down. REALLY!!! Anywho...I would see him on spells and it seemed to make his blood boil. I wasn't necessarily too cool because my heart would start racing when I would see him but that is a different story. I kept my composure. Time went on, days became weeks, weeks became months, and we have embarked on the years scenario. He shows up at my house unannounced; not knowing how I was going to act or react, but I was cool. We talked briefly; he wanted to know if it was possible for him to come over later on...now at first I didn't think anything of it, but who is with me on this 'Ain't nothin open after dark except Jr Foodmart and legs', haha. Okay, anywho, he came over, we talked...we actually had a decent conversation without the screaming, hollering, and calling of the police (yeah, he called the police on me, and I am still trying to figure out why...that's another story). We talked about much needed things and some not so PG things, hehe. Not trying to get caught up because I really didn't know his motive, I kept my distance...even though this was a guy that I was once crazy in love about...the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he held me, the touch of his lips...oh, getting kind of off topic, but you all catch my drift :). Anywho, as it was time for him to leave, he asked for a hug...me being me, I obliged because we are both adults and know how to conduct ourselves. Well, he didn't want to let go and I kind of didn't want him to let go, but it had to come to an end although it did with some passionate kissing. We left well enough alone, then it just so happened that he popped up again...I didn't answer the door felt that I had to dodge that bullet. But that did not stop him, he came over again, late one night. We laughed, played, talked, til wee hours of the morning only to end up kissing, which lead to something else (no, not what you are thinking). I had to admit that I started reliving how this man use to hold me, and how passionate his kisses were. After trying to regain my composure, he sits down beside me and asks me to make a promise...I didn't have a problem with what we discussed but what came next, was a huge shock to me. He told me that he could not lie, but that he had a (you guessed it) a girlfriend...I did what any respectable woman would, I got up before I reached back to HELL and slapped him into HEAVEN. He begged and pleaded with me not to hate him and that he really didn't have an excuse for misleading me. I had to explain that I was not mislead, he is just a LIAR...I didn't take anything from it, he just reminded me of how he use to make me feel. He kept trying to make light of the situation saying that it was never the fact that he wasn't attracted to me physically or sexually, HA, that I already knew. I had to explain to him that I am not that female...I am all woman, what he said should have been stated in the beginning when he felt himself feeling those feelings of uncontrolabilty (not sure if that is a word). I would have told him where to go and I think that is what he knew and is why he didn't say anything until he felt like I would not turn back...WRONG!!! I could have loved you hard, strong, and with out limits but...I LOVE me and am not trying to play second fiddle to any other. To those whom chose to do it, hey to each its own, but that is not the thing for me. He did some hellified apologizing stating that he didn't want to blame it on the fact that his girlfriend is 14 hours away...my thing was that it didn't matter where she was, it you are going to do something, you are going to do it regardless...GET OVER YOURSELF...YOU CUTE but uhhhh, I won't elaborate. I said all of that to say this, both of the guys felt like they could just come back into my life, butter me up, seduce me, and me be fine with being the other woman. I was not doing it when we were together and I DARN HELL WELL don't plan on doing it now. There maybe a shortage of me, but there are well enough of other recreational things to do with less headache and heartache. But I would love to give a S/O to them both, still got love for you and to there new women...you better watch out because even if I was the first they attempted to come back to, I will not be the last and you won't find many out there like me. ~All Things Equal